Maybe you have weeks like this too -- where you make extra effort and everything is going swimmingly and just about the time you start to take a step back and think, "Wow. I'm finally making progress!" Something falls apart, and leaves you worse off than before as you start to feel your life spiral out of control. Again.
It's been one of those weeks. . . Where you make "I should've known better" mistakes. Those are the worst.
- Example #1: Lost my car key (silly mistakes: took it off my key-chain, put it in a shallow pocket and it fell out).
- Example #2: overdraft fees at the bank (silly mistake: paid a bill with a check and forgot to write it down).
I also had a massive fallout with someone whom I considered to be a dear friend. And the worst part? I don't even know why. I'm sure one day I'll find out, but I almost don't want to know. Is that bad? I know we're not supposed to hold grudges, and bitterness does the heart no good whatsoever ... even still, I was so shocked and hurt by how this person treated me, that my overreacting-prone heart wondered if we were ever friends? That is, of course, completely untrue. But it surprised and saddened me -- I had moments of doubt, anger, sorrow, angst, hopelessness, and bewilderment. All in about 20 minutes!
It made me look at some other aspects of my life -- my health in particular. I get all gung-ho about eating well and working out, and sooner or later I always seem to fizzle out in my attempts to become a better me. Why? What makes me feel like giving up so easily? Maybe it's the truth of my situation -- that it's going to take time and a lot of hard work. Maybe it's habit -- I am used to being viewed a certain way, and even though I want so badly to be the healthy, fit Suzy that I used to be, I'm worried that the world will reject me & I won't have my looks to blame it on anymore. Maybe it's excuses -- too tired, too stressed, too busy, too much of something-or-other.
Whatever it is, it gets in the way -- and I'm done blaming life.
If I don't like the way I look, it's in my power to change it.
If a relationship isn't uplifting, it's in either party's power to change it.
Maybe I haven't taken advantage of opportunities that have come my way ... Maybe I have let the mistakes I've made distract me from the progress I'm making.
I don't have all the answers -- hence the ever-present "maybe" in this post ....
but I have learned a lot about myself and those around me this week.
What's that quote about friendship being less about how long someone stood by your side & more about those who came and never left? Maybe there's more truth to that than I realized.
In any case -- I have encountered unexpected blessings for every sudden hardship this week ... and in the same way that the friends & family who have continued to stand by me have made all the difference this week, I want to make a stronger effort to "stand by" my goals and see them through to success. Some things aren't worth walking away from, no matter how hard life gets.
This week's song is one that I've had on repeat practically all day -- "I Know the Truth" from Aida. The lyrics are filled with a plaintive questioning that speaks deeply to my heart at the present. Here are two versions -- the first is from the Original Broadway Cast, sung by Sherie Rene Scott & the second is from a YMTA production, sung by Rachael Schunk (one to listen, one to watch -- whichever you prefer!):
"How have I come to this?
How did I slip and fall?
How did I throw half a lifetime away
Without any thought at all?"
How did I slip and fall?
How did I throw half a lifetime away
Without any thought at all?"
"This should have been my time
It's over, it never began
I closed my eyes to so much for so long
and I no longer can."
"I try to blame it on fortune
Some kind of shift in a star
But I know the truth and it haunts me."
"How to go on with the rest of my life
To pretend I don't care?
This should've been my time
It's over; it never began
I closed my eyes to so much for so long
and I no longer can."
"Oh I know the truth and it mocks me
I know the truth and it shocks me
I learned it a little too late
Too late."
hi its Chris Mead this blog post has spoken to me. right now this past month has been a very rocky emotional roller coaster for me, and i want to thank you for writing this blog post, it has spoken volumes to me.
ReplyDeleteThank YOU so much for sharing that, Chris! This post was especially hard to write, and I'm so glad that it was able to speak to your heart. What a great reminder that we're never alone!
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